Resolution

The situation with the problem roommate has been (almost) entirely resolved. I would like to make one solid comment about something I discovered about myself in this process: If you screw with my ability to relax, feel comfortable, and feel safe in my home I will become very vindictive and wish harm upon you and your property. I'm fairly confident that most people that know me would consider me to be a nice guy, laid back, fairly easy going. But if you screw with my home I will become ruthless. I absolutely will not tolerate having my home ruined.

On Sunday afternoon I was sitting in my living room reading a book. My mom called me and I was thus talking to her. As I was in the process of relaying the events that had happened thus far his wife walks in the front door holding his key. Big no-no. The fact that he gave her his key is unacceptable, and then for her to just walk in is worse. She "just wants to come and use the laundry facilities" we have. I told her that I needed to leave (to go to ward break-the-fast) and that I wasn't comfortable with her being in our house alone. After telling me to just wait a few minutes, I told her that I couldn't because I needed to leave immediately (it was already 3:56 for 4:00 break-the-fast).
Then her disgusting, belligerent attitude comes pouring out. Basically telling me that I was out of line to ask her to leave my house. (Mind you my mom is listening to the whole exchange on the phone still). I get fed up with being polite and simply tell her to get out of my house. I tell her straight out that she is not welcome in my house and never has been and that her behavior with respect to my house has been unacceptable. She starts trying to talk back to me, multiple times, each time I cut her off and tell her to, "Leave. Now. Get. Out. Of. My. House".

Finally she steps out of the door and again begins trying to tell me off, to which I simply closed and locked the door. I had told her that she is not welcome, management says she's not allowed in the house, and that if I saw her in the house again I would call the police. Of course now I was afraid that if I left she would immediately let herself back in, but she apparently wasn't that stupid.

However, the next day Papa Funk came down stairs to find her standing in the kitchen! Apparently the roommate continues to think that he will be able to just sneak her into the house when he thinks we're not home. They left when they saw him. They have since come back a number of times, each time with her just coming in even when we're there. It's absolutely incredible the disrespect they have for our home. We spoke to management who told them they needed to have the rest of their stuff removed by Monday evening.
(See, he already has a contract somewhere else and has been moving stuff out for the past 5 days, but continues to use our stuff when it's convenient for him. For example, using our dishes and leaving them dirty on the counter, or pouring the remains of his cereal onto the counter. Or using the laundry stuff, including my dryer sheets and detergent, because it's more convenient apparently. Oh, and they took my Chili Powder! My Chili Powder! Come On! It's $4 worth of spices, was it really necessary to steal it?)

So today, after Papa Funk came home from work to find the front door left wide open (while the swamp cooler was running and they were nowhere to be found, possibly for hours) we decided to finish the job ourselves. We told management that we wanted the locks changed once they were moved out. They had left a vacuum cleaner and a piece of furniture in the house still. So we moved those items outside to the side of the house and changed the locks ourselves.

We were just sick and tired of having to worry about our stuff being gone every time we left the house, or not being able to sit in our own home and read a book without her coming in and arguing with us. So it's done now. They have nothing left inside the house and the locks have been changed, we'll simply give the new keys to management and call it finished. The more vindictive part of me really wanted to simply toss the vacuum and furniture in a dumpster and say, "Well, when we got home the door was left open, so I guess someone stole them, sorry, that's why we close and lock the doors when we leave the house." But Papa Funk told me that would be too vindictive, so we didn't.

The moral of the story is, as I said:
"Don't screw with my home, (fill_in_the_blank)!"