It's almost funny, the little things that trigger a drastic change in mood, or cause a mood shift to become recognized as such. I was just skipping around the inter-webs, scanning through the "blogosphere" (have I ever mentioned how retarded I think that word is?), and upon reading a couple of friends' entries was hit by slight depression in having not seen these friends in awhile. One because of her getting married and moving to San Francisco (I'm looking at you Lavish), and others for various reasons of people being busy, or not living near anymore, or other reasons.
.......... [sigh]
And so I sit here listening to Dashboard Confessional. Good solid emo sounds for a depressed mind.
This is going to get very bleeding-heart-worn-on-my-sleeve in a minute, and I apologize in advance.
I just want someone to share my life with. I want someone to cook for. I want someone to take care of. I want someone that I am absolutely head-over-heels about, and that feels the same way for me.
Why do friends have to leave, or slip away?
It takes so much time and energy for me to form relationships to a level where I consider them "friends". It's a curse of being an introvert. Especially because it makes it extra-hard to make friends with other introverts. So you end up being friends with extroverts, people who will call you "friend" after saying your name and shaking your hand.
So much time and energy and then they just slip away.
A few years ago I would picture my future and could see a wife and a family, a house, getting by in the world. Recently that future has been getting harder and harder to picture. I'm beginning to think it much more likely that I will simply continue living alone (or with my 4-year roommate Papa Funk), going about my menial life doing mostly menial things. Sure I'll probably have money, I'm smart enough to get a well paying job. But, as nice as having money will be, I already crave more than money can provide.
All I really want is someone that I'm absolutely crazy about that I can lavish my attention on.
Is that so much to ask?
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5 comments:
It is never too much to ask, and it will come. I know it will, you have too much to offer for it not to happen. I hope you won't let this get to you, because you deserve to be happy. If you ever need some chill time, give me a call. I have been fairly busy these days, but I'm never to busy to talk. Have a good week friend. (and I consider it a privilege to call you friend. (o: )
I have these very same thoughts all the time. And I'm older than you. :)
At least it's good to know you're not alone in that sentiment.
I imagine now you can sit back and wait for the dating applications to roll in;)
Are you on g'chat, btw?
I am on g'chat, however I use my real-identity gmail address rather than my CPM gmail address. I'll send you that info via the Board.
I sympathize with your difficulties. I would put a little more effort into your friendships with introverts, though. I find it somewhat difficult to maintain friendships with my introverted friends because they pretty much never initiate anything. However, they're all usually happy to go along with anything I've planned. My advice is to plan small dinner parties or other get-togethers. Plan to see a film at International Cinema or a free concert or recital at BYU and then invite some of your introvert friends. Or plan a visit to the Springville Art Museum or a trip to Sam Wellers in SLC. This is what I've resorted to doing, and I find it well worth the extra effort it takes to do all the planning myself because I just relate so much better to introverts and have a much better time than when engaged in more traditional Provo activities (house parties; game nights). If it's too much trouble to plan everything all on your own, then find a planning buddy--someone with similar interests who also feels the need for more social events in their life--the kind that are tailored to introverts. Planning with another person makes things much easier.
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