Dealing with life

Do you ever get the feeling that you're only an observer in your own life?

Lately I've been feeling like I see my life happening, but I'm not really controlling it. Not like I feel helpless that I have can't control things that happen to me; but that I'm simply watching my life occur, without being an active participant. Like watching a TV show, you observe, but you don't feel anxious that you're not changing what's happening, you're just a passive participant of the character's lives. I had this feeling growing in me noticeably for the past few days, although I suspect it's been around much longer than that. I think it may be connected with going through a stage of mild depression.


Now for something completely different:

I think my dream job might be as a professional thinker, analyzer, and advice-giver. I enjoy thinking about challenging problems, digging into them and picking them apart, and then providing insight; but I find that I don't much enjoy implementing those ideas. *GASP* I'm a THEORIST! Hm, I wonder how that happened. I'm fairly certain I was not a theorist 3 years ago. At that point in time I would have much rather have solved a problem by implementing a solution, rather than analyzing it and providing a theoretical solution, but not actually carrying it out. Now I would prefer to think it through, come up with an answer, and leave it to someone else to implement.

I see this trend in a number of my activities. I think it suggests I would rather be in a management position than an underling position. Which is interesting, because, again, 3 years ago I would have been content to just be given a project, and then complete it. Now I would find that particularly frustrating. I would rather make the design decisions and pass those on to the code monkeys. It is definitely a good thing I decided to get a Master's degree. I think I would have become miserable in an entry level job by now. I wonder if I should get a PhD.