I've had this problem before, and I'm not sure what to call it. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed, but perhaps it really is just a mild form of depression. I get into an emotional state where I feel like I want something to happen, but that trying to make it happen would lead to pain and anguish. Also coupled with that feeling is that at night I don't want to go to sleep. It feels like going to sleep is simply allowing more time to pass in the situation that I want to change. Or something. It's sort of like feeling that if I go to sleep, I'm letting more time slip by that I should be doing something valuable with. Not like I'm accomplishing anything by staying up later, I dunno.
This probably doesn't make any sense to someone that hasn't experienced it. I'm fairly certain I know what my problem is, but I don't think there's anything I can do about it. It's just very emotionally draining, and gives me this pit in my stomach, and twists my heart about a bit.
I should try to go to sleep now. I haven't been sleeping well, and waking up in the morning has been getting more difficult as it is darker each morning, and it was really cold this morning.
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3 comments:
Ok, I have to preface this with "Please don't think that I'm psychotic". (I am, but I want you to remain neutral).I was reading Alishka's blog this AM (after all I am her mother). I decided to click on your link. I know, stalker mom is popping into your head. Stay with me. I guess the thing that caught me off gaurd is that I felt a weird sense of twilight zone. I felt the same way yesterday. I told Alshika that I needed a life and it is so true. I really have the ability right now to be or do anything I choose. Not many women can say that. So what is holding me back? why am I afraid to leap....Fear, my friend, will eat you every time. So take a step if that is what is needed. whatever you do don't sit around in complacentville. (There is something in Revelation about being luke warm, spewing etc.) So CPM take a look at your life. I bet there is something in the back of your mind that you have been wanting to do but fear of failure has taken over, kick it in the butt and move on. I am.
I think you're normal, friend. Everyone feels like that; I have recently too. Patience is the worst, isn't it? Just hang in there...things will get better.
Good luck. I hope you feel better.
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